A difference between brain and heart....
Brain says, "Ignore those who ignore you, treat everyone like they treat you."
Heart says, "Do everything for the ones you like, even if they ignore you..."
Though everyone says, "Follow your heart," it is sometimes better to follow our brains.....

LITTLE WAYS DOWN THE ROAD- THE FINAL PART

       LITTLE WAYS DOWN THE ROAD- THE FINAL PART

    A couple of days passed unnoticed. One morning, as Arjun dressed up, he opened his wardrobe to get his white jacket out. Days were turning cold and he knew the beach would be even cooler. As he took out his jacket, his eyes fell on Miss. D's diary which he had kept there in the rack. He saw it everyday. But somehow, that day, his instinct made him take it out. He sat down on his bed skimming through the pages. He knew everything written there by heart. Still, he wanted to read her words "I am in love with him."

    After starring at them for a moment, he closed the diary, left it on his pillow so as to read it again that night and left for jogging.

    As he jogged all along the beach, he remembered her more than ever. At his usual time, he sat down on the wall, facing the sea.

    He couldn't comprehend why he was so immersed in her remembrance. He squeezed his eyes close and thought, "She is happy somewhere. She is still out there somewhere. Don't think about it. Don't think about all this." He sat down with his eyes closed, hands stiff by his side, resting on the wall.

    "Hello Mr. J," the voice he loved the most washed over him.

    Arjun shook his head chuckling, eyes still closed, at the hallucination he was having. Hearing her voice when she wasn't there was a definite hallucination.

    "Mr. J," he heard the voice again.

    He opened his eyes, chuckling and turned to the direction where Miss. D used to sit before, to see her sitting there then.

    He gave a short laugh and said to her image, "This is ridiculous. I don't know why I am lately getting these hallucinations. This is really good, to remember you. But if I keep talking to the winds like this, or to myself, everyone will think that I am insane."

    "I am not a hallucination Mr. J," the image said.

    Arjun laughed. "Oh my! I am so really, insanely in love with you."

    "I really am not a hallucination Mr.J," the image said earnestly, looking at him fondly and raised her hand up.

    Arjun stared at her image in disbelief. Slowly, he raised his right hand and uncertainly, touched her with index finger, as lightly as possible.

    He felt her.

    He drew away his hand in shock and then again slowly extended it, took her hand into his, feeling her smooth skin.

    "Miss. D?" he asked in a total delusion.

    "Yes," she smiled softly and nodded.

    Arjun didn't speak anything. He just stared at her, sinking in the fact that she was really sitting near him, that he was finally holding her hand.

    "After a few moments, with a ragged breath, he said, "You came back."

    She gave a miserable smile and said slowly, "I had to. I am so sorry Mr. J."

    He didn't speak up.

    "I am really sorry," she continued. "I was really stupid and foolish. I was... a complete idiot."

    "What are you saying?" Arjun asked, a smile coming at last.

    "I tortured you, didn't I?" she asked, eyes moistening.

    Arjun stared her in bewilderment.

    "I thought it was just a fling for you, that everything would slowly change afterwards. I thought that maybe after some days, we will face the toughness of unknown and unkempt relations. I don't know why, but but I felt that things would go the same way as they happened in my past. And it was an insecurity that I wasn't up to your standards which..." she babbled on when Arjun interrupted her with "Sshh... Sshh..."

    She stopped and looked at him fearing his anger. Unlike her imagination, he smiled affectionately, squeezed her hand and said, "I know. I know everything, how much you thought, the big conscience struggles you had, everything. And I can understand that. You don't have to explain anymore."

    She was confused.

    He glanced at her perplexed expression and admitted, "The day you left, you left your diary here right? I read everything in it. I have been reading it every time I am alone, since two years." He looked embarrassed. 

    "Oh! That's better. I can comprehend that you wanted to get the answers to your doubts. Anyways, I am happy that you understood my problems."

    "Yes," he said.

    "I just came to seek your forgiveness," she said.

    "For what?"

    "I don't know exactly for what. Maybe because I made you think more about me. That was bad."

    "What?" Arjun got up from the wall and stood facing her.

    Immediately, she too followed him and stood facing him, feeling unsure and afraid.

    "I mean, I left you right here and thought you would forget everything, that you would forget me after some days. It was like you would get out of that whole issue once I go away. But you didn't. You still think about me and you still..." she halted abruptly and then squeezed her eyes close. She sighed, opened her eyes and said, "Two years... Two years is really long. I didn't expect this to be so..."

    "Still the same?" Mr. J completed the line.

    Miss. D nodded slowly.

    "I told you it would always be the same," Mr. J reminded her.

    "Yeah. I realized it very late," she admitted.

    "What made you come back?" he asked her.

    "I read about you..."

    "In that business magazine?" he asked in between.

    "Yes," she replied.

    Mr. J laughed. Miss. D looked at him uncertainly.

    "Everyone except me had bothered to read it," he said laughing. "I never realized that I had become a complete 'You' till I read that interview. And I didn't even think about it when I was talking to that reporter. When I saw the report myself, I somehow understood that it wasn't me anymore."

    Miss. D smiled and said, "Well, I was already feeling very low for what had happened. And that article made me even more miserable." She bent her head, thinking and said, "I was in U.S for the past one and half year and came back to India a week back. I saw that magazine on my brother's table and your photo on the cover page. I couldn't stop myself from reading it. And after reading everything, I just couldn't stay sitting idly. "

    "Why did you exactly come back?" he asked her fondly.

    "To make sure that all was not lost," she said, raising her head and looking at him expectantly.

    He gave a faint smile and said, "Well, I lost something."

    Miss. D's face became white.

    He grinned and said, "My feeling that I was hallucinating your return. That's what I lost."

    Both of them laughed. But it prolonged to be a laughter of happiness. Arjun took her face into his and said, "It would always be the same."

    She nodded. 

    "You have been so stupid," he said in that laughter.

    "I know. I have always been the crazy girl," she laughed it off.

    "Wait, are you still Miss. D or Mrs. D?" he asked.

    "Miss. D," she assured him and then added, "But I would love to be Mrs. J one day."

    He chuckled and said, "Great! Mrs. J, can I know your name at least now?"

    She laughed briefly and replied, "Atwika."

    "What does that mean" he asked in confusion.

    "Atwika means 'One and Only'. It is Sanskrit," she replied, slipping her hands round his neck.

    "Well, it is totally apt for you. You are the one and only Miss. D, sorry Mrs. J for me," he said, pulling her into his arms.

    Amidst the throng of morning joggers, two truly bonded souls were holding onto each other for a lifetime...

                                            ....THE END....

LITTLE WAYS DOWN THE ROAD- PART 9

               LITTLE WAYS DOWN THE ROAD- PART 9

    That day as he sat thinking about her, someone came and sat down beside him.

    He turned sideways to see a girl on her early teens with an innocent smile, small eyes and a fair complexion, sitting at a distance, looking at him curiously. 

    He gave an awkward smile.

    "Are you the businessman Arjun?" she asked him. Her voice had more childish tint to it. 

    "Yeah. How do you know?" Arjun wasn't so surprised.

    The girl pulled out a folded magazine from the pocket of her coat and unfolded it. It was a business magazine. She opened it and showed him the page which had a picture of him. "I read this just a few minutes ago and recognized it was you," she said.

    Arjun remembered giving a personal interview to the magazine reporters some days back. They had said then that they would publish it in their coming issue. He hadn't bothered to look at the printed one.

    He took the magazine and read what they had printed.

    "So, are you very philosophical?" the girl asked.

    "No. But my friend is," Arjun smiled.

    "Why didn't you tell her name?" she asked.

    "Because I don't know."

    "Why didn't you go for her?"

    "Because there are reasons others can't understand."

    "Are you saying that because I am too young?"

    "No. I am saying that because there are things you have to experience at a much higher stage than now."

    She put out a pout and said, "Anyways, I am Pooja." She gave him her hand and he shook it courteously.

    "Hello Pooja. Pleased to meet you. You came alone?" he asked her with a smile.

    "No. Dad and I come jogging every morning. He is standing there, talking to his friends," she replied, pointing at her father.

    He turned to see her father and realized she looked more like him.

    "He gave me that magazine to hold it," she continued.

    Arjun smiled at the kid and sat silently.

    After a while, the girl's father came to pick her up. She introduced Arjun to him and they spoke casually for a few minutes before she left with her father.

    She grinned jubilantly and said, "Bye. Have fun."

    It struck Arjun somewhere. He sat on the wall, thinking how Miss. D used to say, "Have fun, enjoy it," everyday.

    It gave him a heavy heart. But he consoled himself saying, "Cool Mr. J, cool. Relax. She is out there somewhere. She is always with you."

    He went back home and asked his man-servant to get him the magazine before evening. That night, as he lied on his bed, he opened it and read the article.

                                         PERSONAL INFO-

                                         NAME- Arjun R.

                                         DATE OF BIRTH- 18th August 1985

                                         PLACE OF BIRTH- Mumbai

                                         PRESENTLY STAYING AT- Vishakhapatnam

                                         EDUCATION- MBA

                                         BUSINESS LINE- Chain of hotels, restaurants and shopping malls across the                                  country and overseas transport.

                                         FAMILY- Father who established the business. Mother is home maker. Both are                                                    presently staying in Mumbai.

    After a lot of questions about business policies and practices.....

    Q- What made you get into the business line? Was it because you were interested in it or to maintain the family's hereditary job?

    A- It isn't either of them. There was a time when I wasn't able to figure out what I really wanted. I was sort of aimless. My mentor then told me a few things, "If you go on trying to find something out, then after an year, you will find yourself again in the same spot, unable to decide on one thing. Just do whatever pops into your mind first. Follow your instincts. Take risks, learn from mistakes. Don't ever think too much than needed. Follow your conscience." It was then that I decided it was time for me to step into something new, test my skills, taste new waters. I decided to look into one sector of business for practice. After a few months, I became confident that I can manage everything, that this is what I really wanted. I never had to look back again.

    Q- Right in the personal front, there are never any rumors on your personal life or any baseless link-ups. How do you take care of that?

    A- I have already had my own share of relations in life. Some people don't have the patience to do the same thing again. Some don't have the courage to do that. I don't have the interest. I am totally content with the people I have in my life. So I never go out with anyone or have late-night parties or get involved in any gossip-leading things.

    Q- What is the ideal way of spending life according to you?

    A- Life is never a confusion. We need to have a clear view of everything, distinguish what is what. Just because something happened in a way you didn't think it would, you shouldn't back off. Escaping is never a solution. Walking out into the real world, moving with the common people, having some time to think what you are doing, these are the makers of a normal person. Common people have ideas which we can never dream of. To underestimate anyone is a foolish act.Instead of wasting time pondering over the past, we can live in the present beautifully so that tomorrow, when it becomes past, we don't have to repent anything. One should never think "Why didn't this happen that way?" Because destiny has its own path. Everything that happens has its own reason. We should never question that. If you have no malice in your heart, then it is all good that will happen to you. That's what life is."
    Q- In all of interviews, you always speak about mentor but you never tell the name. Any reason for that?
    A- (Smiling) I don't know her name myself. Some relations don't have definitions. Ours is one such relation. All the same, she is my friend, philosopher and guide.
    Q- You never shy away from sharing your personal issues with media. Is there any possible reason?
    A- The only thing I learnt from my past is, never try to hide the most strong thoughts in your mind. Sometimes, the damage it does causes a lot of pain. Anyways, secrets always give rise to unwanted speculations. That's how rumors start. I don't want others to think the other way about my life incidents or talk about it as a gossip. Whatever should be known will be a known fact, it should be told.
    Q- What is the best philosophy you follow?
    A- Learn from the past, live in the present. Do what you really feel like doing and don't have regrets. Head out freely for your interests. Be unstoppable and unquestionable.

    Arjun closed the magazine and shut his eyes tightly. He hadn't realized it while speaking to the reporter. But he saw that now clearly. That whatever he had said, it was all what he had learnt from Miss. D. They were her words. And he had spoken them without actually realizing it. They had just tumbled out from his mind and voice.
    He switched off the bed lamp, pulled over his blanket and sighed remembering how everyone around him have constantly been saying that he had changed. He had brushed off these comments saying he was the same as he had always been. But he had understood that now. He had changed completely, undoubtedly. There was too much of Miss. D in him.
    He smiled, loving the fact that she was in him and slipped off into a slumber with the smile intact on his face.




TO BE CONTINUED...........!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LITTLE WAYS DOWN THE ROAD- PART 8

             LITTLE WAYS DOWN THE ROAD- PART 8

    Arjun held his breath as he read the diary.

                           "I am confused. What do I do now?

                           Look, A, I know you love him. I have known this for a really long time. But you were just too absorbed and afraid to admit it.

                           I wasn't afraid. I didn't know myself that I love him. I thought that it was affection I had for him, that I cared for him like a friend.

                          Okay, now that you know the fact, what will you do?

                          I can't tell him, I really can't. He is such an achieving person. He doesn't deserve someone like me. He deserves someone better.

                          Wait, what has professional life got to do with a life partner? You are also an educated, independent, professional woman.

                          Maybe. But I don't know if he feels the same about me like how i feel about him. I can't jump to conclusions immediately. What if he doesn't love me like I do? What if he is counting me in as only a friend?

                         But the way he looks at me, the affection in his eyes, it has got more to do than just friendship.

                        Anyways, I can't go on to him and rant about my feelings. I wish I knew what he is thinking.

                        Okay, now decide on the two options you have.

                        If he doesn't love me, then I am gonna shut up my mouth and stay mute. I will never let him learn my secret.

                       What if he does love you as strongly as you do? 

                       Well, I still can't be with him. He is someone unreachable. What if eventually we fall out, if this doesn't work out properly, if he starts hating me like Rohit?

                        Hey, there is no comparison between between Mr. J and that fool. Still, I can't risk. You are correct. I am a disaster with guys. I am never sure that I can keep him bonded to me. If the weariness in the bond starts anytime, then the bond will just shred up. I don't want to lose him. He is precious. 

                       Even if I am precious to him, I can't risk his happiness. He needs someone serious, practical and a stable woman. Not a fun loving freak like me. He should be happy.

                      What if he himself says "I love you"? 

                      Well, that's simple. I need to go away from him. He will realize later that I am just a passing cloud and he will move on. He will get someone worthy.

                      Are you really happy doing this?

                      Of course I am not. But his happiness means a lot to me.

                      But how will you go away from him so easily?

                      Simple. I will hug him tightly, tell him that I am not the correct one for him, make him understand that he needs someone better and walk away with a smile."

    Arjun closed the diary, his heart beating wildly and thoughts racing at the parting away plan she had written. She didn't smile when she left, least not did she give him a hug. But that was secondary. She had felt awfully miserable while going away. Eyes moistened, he read the other entries where she tried to decide if her choices were correct or not. And mostly, she wrote about him.

                     "What will happen to him if I go away? Will he become gloomy like how he was when he last had a break up? Will he again resign to the heart-break and become sad again?

                       No. Never. I have taught him enough about that episode till now. He is a genius and above all, he is my best friend. He will never forget my words and thoughts. He will always remember what he has to do and he will do the right things always. He will try to be happy, calm, composed and highly active, decisive like he has always been. That's what I prize in him. At least he would be that way for me."

    That woke Arjun up. For her... He would do anything for her. And if she wanted him to go on like he always had, then he would do it without any complain. But forgetting her and moving on was highly impossible. Not after learning how she felt about him. She had loved him more than what his imagination suggested. And he loved her. She might have walked away for his own good. But his well-being and happiness rested in her.

    He smiled, thinking about the emotional attachment she had with him, the bond she had shared with him, the love she had wrapped him in. How could she have been crazy to think that walking away was the best option? But then, she had always been crazy. But not so stupid. Maybe she will realize one day that she had been wrong and would come back to him.

    That seemed like an infinite lifetime impossibility to him. They never knew each others' names or any other details except that she knew he was a businessman. But that wouldn't be any help.

    He slid onto his bed, planning his life like how she had wanted him to.

    Since then he always pictured her sitting beside him, holding his hand and guiding him, leading him in the correct way. He adapted her style of writing diary- questioning himself like a different person and then answering those questions with the best possible solutions.

    He continued his jogging schedule. He would sit on the wall and feel her imprints near him, alive and juvenile like they always have been. He would divide his conscience into two parts- one was his voice and the other was her's.

    As months passed, he never saw her anywhere in practical. But personally, she was with him. He progressed professionally, reached the heights which his dad had always dreamed him to reach. Though his dad made him manage the whole business countrywide, he never left the city. Even if he had to travel to other places on business purposes, he would return as soon as possible.

    Two years passed by and he still was the same. His dad, cousins, no one could make him move onto others. He never looked out for another girl, never. And he didn't try to search extensively for her. It was her idea that whatever is truly written in your destiny will come to you without you realizing it. And he was strongly willed to follow whatever she said.



TO BE CONTINUED.........!!!!!!!

LITTLE WAYS DOWN THE ROAD- PART 7

         LITTLE WAYS DOWN THE ROAD- PART 7

    Miss. D wasn't happy with the way things were turning out between her and Rohit. She wanted everything to be good, enjoyable and she never wanted to hurt him or see him dejected. She wanted to do everything to make the relationship to go smooth.

    But Rohit wasn't so obliged in doing everything to make their relationship work. He wanted everything to be done in a way he liked. That wasn't so liked by Miss. D. Still, she wanted to be with him.

    As days passed, things got worse.

                  "You know, once we take a U-turn, we can never look back or realize what we have left behind. Be that a relationship or any road we take," she wrote.

    After a few days, things became better as Rohit realized that he was about to lose her.

                  "Who would lose a gem like me?" she wrote. "Anyone would be an absolute idiot to get away from me. Ha Ha..!!"

    Arjun smiled at the confidence she had on herself.

    But one evening, things went a wrong way...

    Rohit had persistently badgered her till she went out with to the beach at late night. She had to lie to her parents that she would be at her friend's place. And she never lied. Truthfulness was her inbuilt nature. So obviously, she had hated lying to her parents.

    They spent an hour at the beach, talking, speaking about their dreams. All the while, Miss. D felt uncomfortable sitting there. And then, things went wrong.

    Rohit tried to get intimate with her and out of fear, she slapped him and went away from there, straight to her house. Though she didn't get into her house, she jumped over the wall into her courtyard, sat near the porch, hidden in the shadows and wept her heart out, thinking about everything that had happened.

    The next day, they broke up.

    She had lots of complaints about Rohit's behavior and attitude but she never let it out because love meant adjustment and compromise to her. She had set limits to everything except to saving relationships. But if it needed her to cross those limits to keep an already doomed relation alive, she thought it was better to let it drown.

    As days passed, she realized that getting over Rohit was easy than her assessment. It wasn't anything real for her any longer. She felt really stupid to have taken something unreal and emotionless relation as an equal of something strong as love. It wasn't love she had for him. She had been with him because she thought he loved her. 

    She started staying alone for a longer time, trying to decide her mindset. And she realized that it was freedom, fun, trust, friendship, understanding and honesty which she valued most. She wanted to hunt for them. But she subsided her idea by thinking that what is truly her's will reach her somehow. She won't have to go searching herself.

    And then she found what she really wanted. The attitude which Mr. J had.

    The first day she had met him, she wrote,

                    "Hey A, guess who this guy is? Sitting beside me and asking me to try and be safe!!! When was the last time I heard someone other than my parents ask me to be safe? I don't remember anyone else as such. Funny why a stranger should worry about me. Wait, does he know me?"

    Arjun remembered the suspicious glance she had given him. He assumed she wrote the answer after looking at him carefully.

                    "No I suppose. He doesn't look like someone who knows me. Who in his right mind would talk to someone boring like me? Ha ha... He looks more like an NRI. Anyways, why should I care so much?"

    The next morning, she wrote,

                   "A, should you wait to see that guy like this? You are thinking too much about a stranger.

                   But he was the only stranger who ever told me "Be safe."

                   Alright, I agree. But he is just a passing stranger. You already have had your share of disappointments and failures with boys. So, don't ever think of another guy unless mom or dad want you to."

                  Hey, he came again and is siting beside me. Wait, why is he so suddenly coming over to sit here? He was correct yesterday. Days are changing. Should I suspect him of something? Boys are after all a bunch of idiots.

                   Great, he is now asking me why I always stay alone. What would he do with my personals?

                   But he doesn't look like the 'Cheater' type. Sure, Rohit even never seemed as such. Still we failed at being together. I know this stranger doesn't seem like him. I can sense his truthfulness and honesty.

                   Okay, I told him I preferred to be alone and he was surprised. Let me guess, he must have been surprised because I spoke out at last."

    Arjun couldn't help appreciating her assessment. The next few days, she would start her diary entries stating how she had felt the night before and that morning, about her energy levels that day and when he came jogging, she would write,

                  "Hey, he came just now. In time of course. He is so punctual. That's why I think he may not have been brought up here. Someone else would have been bored to sit here in silence, without any progress with an unknown girl. But he is kind of different. I wish I could know more about him."

                  "No. Stop right there. You are not going to think about any guy. You won't tell him your name or ask his name. Please yaar, don't invite troubles again for yourself."

    The day Arjun had asked her her name, she had pulled herself out strongly and did what her right conscience had ordered her to do. And she had enjoyed taking out all her weird thoughts and ideas on him.

                   "It is so fun to talk to him," she had written.

    After many gloomy days of broken relations and feelings, she finally began seeing a strong relation which, she was sure, would last long. She loved the time she spent with Mr. J, the way they talked to each other.

                   "Hey A, sorry, Miss. D... Ha ha, funny how Mr. J and I embarked on our new names. I am Miss. D now..."

    Everyday she would write about what they were talking or discussing, Mr. J's expressions, his confusion, his tenacity, how he observed her, almost everything. She implicitly thought of him the whole day. There were times when she would write in the middle of the night wondering how the next morning would be.

                   "Here I am, writing in the midnight, thinking about him. Should I do this? You know, this morning, I showed him everything I had on my mind about what life is. I don't if what I told him is correct or not but he seemed to comprehend the reality. I had never told any of my dreamy ideas to anyone till now. He is the only one. The way he looked at me, I could see so much emotion, such strong affection. I wish it were something that would never break."

    The passing days strengthened her feelings for him. She wrote,

                    "Hey A, are my thoughts correct? Am I really exaggerating my feelings or are they genuine? I never have been with anyone like I am now with Mr. J. He is so good-willed, kind-hearted, fun-loving guy. Mostly, he is so understanding. I can talk to him like I want, I don't have to be afraid of his reactions, I can trust him and the way he trusts me is unbelievable. I can be so free and natural with him, just like how I am for myself. Best of all, I don't have to change for him or pretend to be someone else...

                   Right now, I am writing about him, sitting near him but he doesn't try to read my diary (though he keeps observing me) and neither do I try to block the contents of my writing from his view. That shows how much we trust each other.

                  He likes me for what I am and makes me feel special and happy. I don't think anyone else can make me feel like that. There has never been a day when I didn't wait for him earnestly in the morning, sitting here. The way my heart races on seeing him, its not at all explainable. 

                  A, A, you are thinking too much now, exaggerating everything.

                  No, I don't think so. After all these days I am able to figure out what is happening with me.

                  But A, you are a disaster with relationships. Just name one relation except your family and best friends which you have been able to keep intact?

                  Well, aren't those relations enough to say that I am good at them? I can keep alive and strengthen the bonds which I have with my loved ones. Just because I broke up with one person who never had anything lie a real affection for me doesn't frame me into a 'Relations disaster' girl. I am strong."

    The next couple of entries reflected a struggle between the two faces of her conscience, whether she could  hold onto herself, whether her feelings were true or not, how exactly she felt in his company and so on. Arjun was more absorbed and surprised to read how she had thought and struggled to get to the right choice.

    And then, he read the entry which blocked his mind totally...

                 "A, that's enough. State what you want to tell exactly.

                  Okay, you shut up and listen first. I like Mr. J. So much that I can't exactly tell you how much deep my love is...

                  Wait wait, love???

                  (Maybe there was a pause)

                  Well, I think that is it. I do love him...

                   I am in love with him... OMG...!!!!"



TO BE CONTINUED.......!!!!!!!!!

LITTLE WAYS DOWN THE ROAD- PART 6

          LITTLE WAYS DOWN THE ROAD- PART 6

    Mr. J looked at her expectantly. After a moment, Miss. D turned away her head. He could hear her breathe heavily and fast.

    "I knew this was coming," she said at last.

    "What?" Mr. J was confused.

    "I knew you would say this to me. And I have always have been afraid of that," she said, still not looking at him.

    "Why? Why were you afraid?" Mr. J was more confused.

    "Because.... because I don't want this," she said, sniffling. 

    Mr. J felt that he had heard her wrong.

    "What?" he asked.

    She looked at him, eyes brimming with tears and shook her head. Slowly she said, "Do you remember I once told you that some girls don't have the patience to undergo the same thing a second time. I don't say that I am like that. Its just that... I don't have the courage to undergo the same thing again and again."

    He looked at her in surprise and confusion.

    She sniffled and said, "I care for you. I like you. I think about you too much to make you realize that this is not a good choice at all. I don't want to change your fate because of my loser life."

    She put her diary beside her on the wall and got up to leave.

    "Wait, wait. I don't get you," Mr. J caught her forearm and stopped her.

    "Its easy Mr. J, I am not correct for you. You deserve someone better and interesting. Not a weird geek like me," she said, trying to go past him.

    "No, I don't want anyone else. No one is better than you. You are the most interesting, beautiful person I have ever met. No one has ever understood me like you did. Then why the hell will I want someone else? I want you and I deserve you."

    He stopped and then something struck his mind. Slowly he added, "Unless you feel I don't deserve a wonderful person like you. You feel I am not up to your standards?" 

    She shook her head in disapproval and said, "You are far better than that. That's why I said you don't deserve someone like me." The stress on 'me' was like she was indicating herself as useless. Arjun became serious.

    "No. I am not. If it wasn't for you, I would have been the same loser I was five months back, an idiot, aimless guy who didn't even know what he wanted or where the hell he was. I sprang back to life only after you came in. If I am still sane, successful and above all really happy, then it is because I had you with me. I can't let everything go like this."

    Miss. D was by then shedding more tears but the rain was hiding them truly. She gave a miserable half-smile and said, "But you have to. It was your tenacity to get your life back that made you spring back. No," she stopped him as he started to protest again and continued, "How much ever you say, my decisions have always been correct and even you know that. Now this is what I have decided. Not now, I have known this day would come a long time back, the day I had shown you what life is. The way you looked at me... it told me everything. That was when I knew I should choose this. You will be better off without me. It is only a matter of time. This is for the best. Trust me."

    Trust? Of course he trusted her, more than himself or anyone else. But he couldn't trust her with such an unexpected, stupid, foolish decision.

    Miss. D withdrew her hand from his and tried to go away. But Mr. J caught her arm, stopped her again and said desperately, "Don't go. Forget this. I will never ask you out again. We will remain friends like we always have. Just stay back. I will never pester you again with my lame proposals."

    "We can't stay friends after this. Even if we try, we can't. Its not possible after everything that happened today," she said decisively. Slowly, she added, "If I come into your life like how you want me to, then you will regret it one day. I don't want that your life should be full of regrets."

    "There will be only one thing that I will ever regret," he said intensely. "And that will be why I spoiled our relationship by asking you something which is unreachable for me.That will be the only regret I will ever have."

    He had meant it so seriously that Miss. D just stared at him. After a moment, she bent her head down and then tried to release her arm from Mr. J's grasp.

    Mr. J released her arm thinking why he should force her when she was so adamant about her decision.

    As she went past him, walking away down the road, she turned back and said miserably, "Its only a matter of time. Before you realize it, you will forget me and move on. You will forget this everything. You will have a good life ahead. Without me, its the best that can happen to you. You do have a really good heart."

    He shook his head and said truthfully, "It will remain empty forever. Even if you walk away like that, I will never forget everything nor will I move on. That's a promise." There was too much intensity in his words for her to handle. 

    She stared at him in pain for a moment before turning away. She walked away, wiping her tears, never looking back again.....

   Mr. J looked at her till she disappeared. He kicked at a stone that was lying on the ground in frustration, so hard that it went flying away a long distance and then tumbled away.

    He sniffled and fought back the tears, thinking he would somehow see her again, hoping for it. He sat down on the wall, staring emptily at the sea. As he turned away his head, he noticed something. Miss. D had left her diary on the wall and forgotten about it in her haste to go away.

    He picked up the diary which was by then considerably wet because of the rain, wiped away all the water on the hard bound cover and looked at it for a whole minute before tucking it away beneath the white jacket he had worn. At seven, he stood up and left to his house, the diary safe with him.

    As he entered his house, his cousins came to him eagerly, to know how it went with his Miss. D. And his expression and tear-brimmed eyes were enough to tell them that the worst had happened.

    Arjun didn't go anywhere that day. He kept himself locked in his room the whole day. No matter how much his cousins tried to make him come around, they were unsuccessful. They kept blaming themselves that   they had done the damage, that they had spoiled everything by encouraging Arjun in the wrong way. They felt a lot guilty and awful.

    As Arjun sat in his room, he took out Miss. D's diary. It was a light blue colored one with the picture of a single golden key indicating the lines "Key to happiness is always within you. You have to find it for it is the one with the tendency to play hide and seek with you."

    Arjun knew that reading someone else's diary was not courteous and an indication of ill-manners. But he had to find out the answers to his questions and doubts. He pondered for a moment before opening the diary.

    Apprehensively, he opened it. The first page in a light crimson colour had the best handwriting he had ever seen.                 

                "An ensemble of thoughts, feelings and moments...

                  Letters to a friend beyond friend....

                  (Now that's exaggeration, isn't it? I am writing to myself afterall... Hahaha.....)"

    A smile eased its way onto Arjun's face as he noticed how she enjoyed everything and found happiness in small, silly things.

    He turned the personal information page. Only a single letter  'A' was inscribed elegantly in the place of name.

    As he turned the pages and started reading the entries, he learnt the untold stories of Miss. D's life which he had never seen for himself.

    She was an MBA student, but didn't mention the name of her college anywhere in her diary. She loved working hard, she loved keeping everything in order and then mess up everything. She always did things in a hurry, jump to decisions and choices in a jiffy and then think if that was correct or not. She never thought about anything before doing it. Whatever she felt like doing, whatever came to her mind, she did that without second thoughts. She never regretted her choices or what she did. Somewhere she had an unbelievable confidence that everything would be for her own good. Arjun smiled reading how even her diary entries were written as if she was talking to her best friend.

             "A, tell me, was that correct?

               Of course yes, you idiot. You are a good genius. You do everything correctly."

    Arjun chuckled reading it.

    But the thing that caught his attention was that a name kept popping up in between in every entry. It was the name of a guy- Rohit.

             "You know, Rohit said something about my carefree attitude today. I mean, if he likes me, then he should like my attitude too, shouldn't he?       Wait, maybe I should really try to be like how he wants me to to.

              But that's bad. I can't go on being serious, official-looking like him. That will look awful with the way I carry myself.

              Okay, I will try to do it. I will change my attitude. 

              Tell me, A, am i doing the correct thing?

               Of course you are, stupid. You are supposed to like him. And we always change for people whom we like."

    The next few entries of her diary didn't have the colour and energy she usually had. She didn't like her new appearance. But she was doing it for Rohit. And she wanted to do it as much as she hated it.

TO BE CONTINUED..............!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

LITTLE WAYS DOWN THE ROAD- PART 5

        LITTLE WAYS DOWN THE ROAD- PART-5 

    "Surprised bro?" Abhinav asked cheerfully.

    Helplessly, Arjun nodded. He realized that they had followed him throughout his jog. He understood that he could no longer hide the truth. That would make everything really complicated.

    "Who is she?" Nihita asked.

    "My best friend," Arjun replied.

    "And her name?" Chaitra asked.

    Arjiun sighed, shook his head and said, "Don't know."

    "What do you mean 'don't know'?" Abhinav was confused.

    "I don't know her name," Arjun confessed. "Not only her name, I don't know any of her details." He looked slightly irksome.

    "Now, this is some news," Chaitra murmured. 

    The three of his cousins dragged him to the lawn and made him sit in between them. "So, boss, tell us everything from the start," Nihita demanded.

    He recounted to them everything that had happened between him and Miss. D; how he had thought her to be a strange girl, how she had given the idea of hiding their identities, how she had inspired him with her ideology, how she had made him take life changing decision, how she had shown him what real life meant. How she had totally changed him.

    "If I am stable, happy, successful and content today, then it is because of her. I don't want to disturb her space by trying to know who she is. So I didn't," he concluded.

    "I can't believe this," Abhinav exclaimed. "You both are so natural together and still don't know who is who? I mean what kind of relation is that?"

    Arjun smiled benevolently to himself and said, "It's a strange relation."

    "I don't understand this," Nihita started. "Look, you like her. It is so evident from your words. Then why are you still being a stranger to her?"

    "We are not strangers Nihi," Arjun said. "Just because we didn't tell each other who we are, it doesn't make us strangers."

    "Really? How, may I ask?" Chaitra asked seriously.

    "Look, I know it kind of sounds weird, I mean my relationship with her- identities unknown, no details known. But I like it that way," Arjun was certain. He sighed and continued with his whole heart in his words, "When I am with her, I don't have to be this sophisticated businessman I am now. I don't have to behave like how others want me to. I get a chance to be what I am. I get to be the real person I am, get to live like how I want. I can just be Mr. J, a good guy who likes to jog and pour out his heart to the sea. I solve all my problems when I am there. No matter how bad the situation is, I get a solution to my troubles. I am happy, satisfied and content when I am with her. She makes me realize who I am, she makes me know what I want. She cares about me like no one does and knows things about me which no one does. She showed me to myself in a completely new light, gave the inspiration to be successful." He became  serious at the end. "She makes me feel like no one does. I don't care if it is one hour or what so ever time I spend with her. I just want to be with her always. I want to hear her talk, I want to sit with her and make discussions about life, nature or anything. I know what she is for real and she knows me, what I am for true. And I would love to stay this way forever. And if it takes that I should be silent, then I will be. I won't ask her her name or anything else or tell her about me until she wants me to. I will respect her space and wish."

    By the time he had completed, all three of his cousins stared at him with open mouths, wide-eyed, surprised by his sudden but truthful outburst.

    "Oh my God!!! You are in love with her," Nihita said at last, breaking the silence that had ensued.

    Arjun looked at her in confusion and said, "No! I just like her."

    "No, you idiot, you seriously love her," Abhinav spoke up. "It is so evident in what you said till now."

    "Come on brother. Accept your feelings for her. You can't keep them hidden in yourself like this," Chaitra said.

    Arjun remained silent for a while, analyzing everything. Of course he knew it that he loved Miss. D, more than anyone else. He had known it all along and remembered every moment where he had felt his feelings for her light a bulb in his mind that he was madly in love with her. But he had never wanted to accept it. And he knew the reason for it.

    "Dude, you should accept it," Abhinav tried to make him own up.

    Arjun closed his eyes for a moment, opened them and said, "Okay. I do love her... I love her really."

    "Woo-hoo," the three of his cousins chorused in excitement and went for high-fives.

    "So bro... Party!!!" Chaitra exclaimed. 

    "Wait, what's there to party for?" Arjun asked.

    "Why, our brother has done something good in all these years. He is in love with a really cool girl," Nihita said. "God, how much I hated your last girl friend," Chaitra put in.

    "This is not about having a girl friend Chaitra," Arjun said.

    "Then? What is your problem?" Abhinav asked.

    "Look, this should be a secret. I can't tell this to her. So it's not going to be anything like a party at all," Arjun said.

    "What do you mean? You won't tell her that you love her like crazy? Are you not going to propose?" Abhinav asked curiously.

    "No. I am not. Because she is not going to accept any of this. Never. She is gonna say 'No' straight away. I can't risk that," Arjun replied vehemently.

    "Try first, brother. From what you said about her, I am sure that she likes you. She loves you too. She is not going to turn you down," his cousins began together. "Look at the way she spends time with you, how she treats you."

    "Yeah, she treats me like a good friend, alright?"

    "Oh yeah, a special friend. We have seen her and we surely know how she must be feeling about you."

    "Still, what if she doesn't like me proposing to her? What if she goes away? I can't bear that. I will better stay like this forever." Arjun was decisive.

    As Abhinav and Chaitra began complaining again, Nihita raised her hand to stop them and spoke to Arjun, "See brother, Will you stay like this forever? It's not possible at all. In a few months, your dad will marry you off to someone else and the same will happen to that girl. What if she marries and goes off somewhere else? Before that, can you imagine yourself with someone else your whole life? After a few years, even if you both sit there, things will never be the same. You both will be leading two different lives and worlds and you may or may not be in each others' worlds. Will you like that? Are you okay with these things?"

    It was a straight question. But a complicated one. Arjun understood the depth of the question.

    "So its worth trying right?" Abhinav asked.

    "Come on bro, no girl is gonna refuse you. Alright? Just tell her the truth. That's the best choice." Chaitra prodded.

    Arjun took the whole day to decide the correct option. Nihita had correctly pointed out the drawbacks. There was no guarantee at all that he and Miss. D would spend every day of their lives, every morning sitting together at the beach. It was practically impossible. So, it was better to ask her if she would spend her whole life with him. If she said 'No', then he would convince her to stay as the unknown friends as they had been doing all along and forget his proposal. Finally, he made up his mind to propose to her.

    The next morning, he got up, dressed up in white clothes and set out on his jog. It was drizzling slightly.

    "Good morning Mr. J," Miss. D greeted him as he dropped onto the wall next to her.

    "Good morning," he wished and gave an unusual smile.

    "So, whats up?" she asked, continuing with her writing.

    "Well, tough time at home again," Mr. J said, feeling unsure and nervous.

    "What happened?" Miss. D asked with concern. Mr. J smiled at how much she cared for him.

    "Well, everyone of my family, especially my dad, wants me to settle down," he said.

    Diagonally, he saw her hand shiver briefly, out of nervousness.

    He continued, "They want me to get married."

    "So?" she asked, voice faltering. 

    He looked at her nervously and said, "I don't want to spend my life with someone whom I don't know or someone who doesn't know me. I want to be with a person who knows me better than others, who cares about me, who is with me in every obstacle shaded phase of my life. And someone whom I love."

    Miss. D looked at him in disbelief.

    He took her hand slowly into his and said, "I love this one hour I spend with you every morning, I love the relationship we have and I so badly want to spend my entire life sitting with you. I so want to be with you every moment. I never had anyone who has guided me like you did or spoke to me like you did, showed me what life is like you did. I want to spend my whole life with someone like you Miss. D." After a pause, he looked straight into her eyes and said, "I love you."

    Miss. D just stared at him in shock and surprise, unable to say anything, her hands quivering, lips trembling, her face shining wet with the drizzling rain drops...

TO BE CONTINUED...............!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!