I always knew that human mind has more speed than any other in the whole world. Even as I lie down dying, my mind continues to shuffle through all the pages of my whole life. The imprints of the past inflicting an uncontrollable happiness and at the same time impeding it. Al wasn't liking it, but i was dying for my life.
The remembrance of my first love holding me, my mother having me in her arms, caressing me, touches my heart first. Every time I took a step, she used to watch me, anxiety moistening her eyes, joy of my steady walk widening her smile, the folly of my mistakes angering and frightening her. The imprint of her correcting me always reflects in my eyes. How could I ever repay her?
My dad, my first well wisher, my first best friend who always held my hand when I walked, afraid of losing me lest he let go of my hand, who always walked with my shadow to overlook my every move. He was the one who sacrificed his happiness for mine, compromised on many issues for me. I still remember his proud look when i stretched my wings for the first time on my own....
The warm smile of my brother, as he fondled me, always acting the big-brother, is still afresh for me. He was the one who shared my woes, my natter, my happiness, my secrets, my success and failures. I still can feel his warm arms round me when i shivered in the nights of winter as a kid. How i wish I could tell him that I am sorry for not telling him my last secret!!!
My first encounter in my maiden flight, Jermy, the one who extended his hand for my aid. The one who always encouraged me, a friend beyond friend. Still, he was so mean to desert me, such an idiot for not thinking about me before he left for the other world. Here I come Jermy, I would be able to see you at last...
Here he sits, the person who had always liven me up, who showed a completely new world to me, who made me realize what life his and how to live it. The one who taught me a new kind of love, loved me and me love him so much that I walked down the isle for him. He was the reason why I always spent every moment worthwhile, the one who stood by me, my hand in his. And as i lay dying, he still holds my hand in his. He is my life, my everything, my Alex...
And there lies in the cradle, my new life, my gift from God, my angel, my most beloved, beautiful angel for whom I would gladly close my eyes forever...
"Give her to me, Al", I whispered hoarsely
"No Trudy, you need to rest."
"Please....." I was pathetic.
He got up, went to the cradle and lifted up my angel,carefully as if it were a brittle doll. As he came back to me, I stretched my hands. He placed my angel in my arms and for the first time in my life, an unknown warmth and pleasure crept in me, as if the real meaning of my life was found. Every thing I had dreamt of was fulfilled. I finally realized how my mother must have felt when she took me into her arms for the first time...
I kissed my angel and said, "Ariana, moma loves you so much. Daddy also loves you." I looked up at Alex and asked, "Don't you?" He looked as if he was going to break and said, "I can't Trudy. She is the reason why you are like this." Was she really? No.
The words of my doctor still echoed in my ears. "You have to let go of your baby Trudy. Your health is very bad", he said when I learned that I would be a mother. But how could I kill my angel? "No", I said. "Then you have to use these medicines. And I should warn you, they might have a side effect on the fetus. Its your decision."
I promised him that I would take the medicines. But I didn't. How could I harm my angel? I lied to Al, I lied to everyone and didn't take the medicines. When the doctor found out what I had done, it was too late. Still I am ecstatic that my angel is safe, safe with my Al.
"No Al, she never asked me to do what I did. It was my choice. I couldn't let her go. I would be a mother for ten minutes rather than living a life without her. Blame me, not her. She's innocent Al. Please, she is your daughter."
He nodded and took Ariana into his arms. "She is beautiful, just like you", he said. At last I whispered, "Al, she is my life. I didn't give birth to her in vain. Never let her shed any tears. Promise me you will look after her just as you would have had I been with you. Promise me." I raised my hand feebly. He placed his one hand in mine, said, "I promise. She is my daughter, my everything", and brought her closer to me. I looked at my sleeping beauty, kissed her again and then leaned back.
With all the imprints still playing the symphony, I closed my eyes, to open them never.....
by- V.VISHNU PRIYA
31st Dec. 2011
